You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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