she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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