wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
