Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
