I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
