masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
