I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
