just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
