Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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