Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
