In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
