The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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