it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
two words: eviction party
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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