9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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