Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
