My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
