I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
