I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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