Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
