I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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