i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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