My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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