you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
