We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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