I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
