Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
