I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
