Umm I'm too high to move.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
