please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
