instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How external is "for external use only"?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need a beard to bite.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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