I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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