I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
