you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You ruined the universe
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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