If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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