Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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