he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
