I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
