You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
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yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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