Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
