You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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