The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
