It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
