the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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