the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
