So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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