The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
