i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
