youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
