I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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