OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
