I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
