dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
