Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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