I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's blow job season.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
