he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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