I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
