Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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