He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
