I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
