party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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