omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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