People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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