shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
