He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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