dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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