the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
