the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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