Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
