and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
