dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
