My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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