I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
