a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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