You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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